First go at a journal for when I can't see the wood for the trees.
The black dog had got me and because this is MY blog I feel like taking my frustration out here. I have nothing in the world to whine about but the black dog takes no prisoners and I don't get let off that easily. Two hours ago I was as happy as a pig in muck.... now I'm fed up, can't sleep and wish I had a punchbag tethered to my ceiling to take my frustration out on. I have so often put my happy smiling face out there and pretended there is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME but do you know what... THERE IS and why am I hiding it. Why are we so obsessed with people being happy and why is DEPRESSION a dirty word!! I suffer from depression... I always have.... its part of what makes me me... and part of what makes the good times better. I'm tired of pretending... tired of wearing a face on the outside that doesn't mirror the inside and the confusion that goes on there.
So from today I'm changing the way I blog... I'm going to blog for ME and if you join me along the way then that's great but if you feel like jumping off then that's fine too. If I feel like cr*p I'm going to say so and if I'm happy I'll say so too but WYSIWYG from now on. Some days I wanna blog but I can't... some days I wanna blog hop but I can't and some days I wanna create but I can't and anyone who says there's no such word as CAN'T has NEVER suffered from depression. I'm not feeling sorry for myself and I don't want pity... this isn't a pity party so don't bring cake... it's just a fact. It is what it is... and I am what I am.
Rant over.... could be deleted by tomorrow but what the heck... I did it cos I could... said it cos I wanted too and feel better for it!!xx