First go at a journal for when I can't see the wood for the trees.
The black dog had got me and because this is MY blog I feel like taking my frustration out here. I have nothing in the world to whine about but the black dog takes no prisoners and I don't get let off that easily. Two hours ago I was as happy as a pig in muck.... now I'm fed up, can't sleep and wish I had a punchbag tethered to my ceiling to take my frustration out on. I have so often put my happy smiling face out there and pretended there is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME but do you know what... THERE IS and why am I hiding it. Why are we so obsessed with people being happy and why is DEPRESSION a dirty word!! I suffer from depression... I always have.... its part of what makes me me... and part of what makes the good times better. I'm tired of pretending... tired of wearing a face on the outside that doesn't mirror the inside and the confusion that goes on there. So from today I'm changing the way I blog... I'm going to blog for ME and if you join me along the way then that's great but if you feel like jumping off then that's fine too. If I feel like cr*p I'm going to say so and if I'm happy I'll say so too but WYSIWYG from now on. Some days I wanna blog but I can't... some days I wanna blog hop but I can't and some days I wanna create but I can't and anyone who says there's no such word as CAN'T has NEVER suffered from depression. I'm not feeling sorry for myself and I don't want pity... this isn't a pity party so don't bring cake... it's just a fact. It is what it is... and I am what I am.
Rant over.... could be deleted by tomorrow but what the heck... I did it cos I could... said it cos I wanted too and feel better for it!!
xx
16 comments:
o grrl ! i had no idea ! truly ! i don't even know what to say that can even begin to make anything better for you.
I live with adults who have depression & they have made the better part of my life in the last 10 yrs utterly miserable .And I just dont" get" depression at all with them. I have tried not to "go down" with them either - 'cos for the most part they are miserably unhappy !
Unlike you ,when you blogged , you poured out a load of joy & sunshine especially thru' your creations . I will have no problem at all, Chris, if you prefer to hang out the drabby days here too . I can definitely deal with that.
big hugs ,
you still rock..depression or no depression.xx
Chris, honey - Don't apologise! I had no idea, but feel free to rant. I have on my blog on several occasions. Your art is, like Pearl said, a ray of sunshine, and so very unique and creative. I will still visit regularly.
Hi Chris wow I see so much strength in your rant & thats good. The black dog can walk by you side but must know it's place. Good Luck honey. Your art is distinctive & your followers aint going anywhere.XXX
Its your blog - say or do what ever you feel....do what ever is right for you and no one else!
`Well said` Chris....for those who dont suffer they dont undersatnd....
For those of us who do suffer depression completly understand.....
Your creation is ``gorgeous``.....
Hope your a little better have a lovely night:)xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Chris don't feel bad about it. And don't worry if you have to rant. We all are individuals and everyone is different. But in the end we are humans and as such I hope we can reach out to you during your dark days and hold your hand. Be it sunny or pouring with rain I shall be here.
I have seen this fab creation in real life it's gorgeous...well done.
Chris I am proud of you for opening up to your blogging friends 'cos you know what when you cant blog people will have an idea where yo are and then you wont feel guilty as I know you always felt you were letting your followers down when you werent able to blog.
Love ya and like Terrie said some of us know what depression can do to us.
Without our crafting were would we be?
talk later.
chriss x
Have just come across your blog and just wanted to say how refreshing your honesty is. Although not a sufferer myself, depression has played a huge part in my life with family members being hospitalised and losing a brother.
I hope you find strength through your blogging friends and the black dog will walk on by.
(((hugs))
PS: Journal is fantastic!!!
Hiya Yooo!!
Well it's good to share it all too and you should always blog for you Chris, hard though it may be sometimes but hey ho we'll always be here to laugh and vent along the way too...
I had a bit of depression last year and it ain't no fun, as you say there's this public persona that magically appears but on the inside you can be screaming... I know exactly how it feels... and how wierd is that, we both used the same expression "woods for the trees" on our blogs!!
well I love your project and those colours are beautiful together..
Hold on in there and just you blog and visit when you feel like it...
Hugs
Dawn
xx
Oh Chris...what a lovely girlie you are my lovely! As a fellow sufferer I can fully understand where you are coming from. Your blog is for you always and I will be there come rain or shine. LOVE & HUGS XXX
Chris your cool! I would far rather read genuine blogs than pretentious ones...your art journal rocks...and I can relate to everything you said in your post...if it wasn't for 4 kids I would often stay holed up in my bedroom...often I think it's part & parcel of being creative & really there is nothing you can do about it so talk about it & educate!
Chris, I'm sending huge hugs to you. Thank you for sharing about your own personal black dog. I have one too. Mine is an anxious dog as well. I have tried domesticating him (yes, he's a he!) and sometimes I almost succeed, but it's a tough job that takes heaps of energy. You are so right - cake is not the answer though I sometimes think chocolate is! Han in there, sweet, and be yourself. Always. XX
Hi Chris
I love you post...because it is so real. Often we don't post what is really going on in our lives or are feelings. Art is the greatest for allowing our feelings to show. I will be here...whatever your post or say! Love your journal...beautiful work just like you are a beautiful person!
You just rant and rave all you want Im not going anywhere love your artwork, missed you on here cos you brighten my day, take care, Christine x
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